I don’t know where to go or run to escape this, I don’t know who to call to come fix this, I don’t know where to live so I don’t have to live with this, I don’t know the answer or where it lies, I don’t know what to do or what not to do to bring a stop to this pain etc. Getting the answer to meet our situation and untangle our dilemma is a goal that seems unattainable. We are surrounded with ‘I don’t know’ such that getting to the point of ‘knowing’ seems but a dream.
In most cases the answers we seek are not tangible but intangible and thus shift the colours of our perception. How does one shift from ‘I don’t know’ to ‘I know’. Christ said “I tell you the truth, we speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen….”
We know how to speak if we are able to produce words which convey meaning in a language that others can understand, but do we know what we speak? What is it to know? I know that I am a sinner - how do I know this? I know it because I sin. I know the sound a dog makes when barking, I know what the paw prints left by a dog look like. However, I do not know what it is to be a dog; I only know what it is to be human. Hence what I come to know as well as the form the knowledge takes is a function of my being. As a human being, I come to knowledge of the human condition whether I want to or not, and a dog comes to knowledge of the canine condition regardless of its inclination.
What do I know? - I know what I have come to experience and what I have come to experience I have become. Therefore, I cannot truly know what I am not, but I can truly know what I am and am willing to become. This is what I will speak.
“‘We know he is our son’, the parents answered, ‘and we know he was born blind. But how he can see now, or who opened his eyes, we don’t know’”
“…Whether he is a sinner or not I don’t know. One thing I do know, I was blind but now I see!”
If 30 years from today I discover that my body has cancer, have the years between now and then been separating me from such trial or preparing me for it? Is this the purpose of time? The cause of the cancer and its effect are separate; their understanding aids conceptual knowledge yet dissuades experiential understanding. Time is the platform through which we gain experiential knowledge and similarly thought is the platform on which we gain conceptual knowledge.
If I had known yesterday what I know today I would have made a different decision? What causes the separation of knowledge between today and yesterday? The lessons play out with the aid of time and the knowledge came through the result. Actions have results, and as the results play out, we grasp what we didn’t know before the act. Just as when playing chess, you may see 8 moves ahead yet the outcome may still be in doubt.
If I knew how things would turn out why should I feel pain if they unfold in the manner I expect? Just as if I am a chain-smoker, and I know this act leads to lung cancer, why must I experience surprise when I contract cancer? The conceptual knowledge then and now is the same, what is new is the experiential knowledge. Having to live with cancer is different from thinking about living with cancer. Time provides the platform on which conceptual knowledge is matched against experiential knowledge; in other words, it allows us to be occupied with living.
To further illustrate the differences in such knowledge from a personal point of view, my brother passed away suddenly in January 2023, the moment I received news of it, I initially dealt with the knowledge within my thoughts (conceptually). What I was told fought against my knowledge of him as a strong, healthy, loving and joyful person in the prime of his life. Through the course of time, I’ve had to live with the experiential knowledge his absence in my life has brought. The pain is real each day, there are moments when I struggle with the knowledge that he is gone, and this is resolved by the fact that I can’t call him anymore for a quick chat or send him a message to which he would respond. I am often told by family and friends; time will heal all wounds. My experience of time is that it has forced me to live with the reality of his passing by providing plenty of evidence of his absence, so whether I would like to delude myself into believing he is still here, I am forced to realise he isn’t. I suppose that is what healing through the aid of time is – accepting the truth/fact and figuring out a way of living with it.
If I didn’t know how things would turn out why should I have regret for the outcome? What gives me cause to regret, is the separation that exists between ‘not knowing’ and ‘knowing’. Hence the outcome is not a cause for regret but simply the inevitable result in-accordance with the proximate act. The outcome becomes the starting point from which the lesson begins instigated by my feelings of regret. If the outcome had been known, what would be the reason for learning? Yet because it was not known, it tells me that there is knowledge still yet to be discerned.
Scripture goes on to state that we testify to what we have seen as John’s testimony reveals “I would not have known him, except that the one who sent me to baptize with water told me, ‘The man on whom you see the Spirit come down and remain is he who will baptize with the Holy Spirit’. I have seen and I testify that this is the Son of God”.
How do we testify in our daily living? Take the following illustration as an example. Your son comes home one day, and his face is puffed up and bruised. He says some bully at school took it upon himself to use his body as a punching bag for no apparent reason. Well as his parent(s) it falls on you to go to this bully’s home and have a talk with his parents. You get there to find both parents at home, and have a sit down with them, but the longer the conversation goes, the more you realize they don’t seem the least bit bothered or apologetic about what their son did to yours. So instead of an apology, you get insults from them. Can we then be surprised that their child is a bully?
If a child is bully at school, he is bullied at home. He is testifying to what he has seen, experienced and come to know. As Christ said “I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does”
Our knowledge does not consist only of what we are taught but also what we experience. The manner of our living becomes a testimony of what we have come to know and seen. Can you imagine a life where the punishments of children are visited on the parents and the blessings of children are similarly visited? So that one is rewarded or punished for the manner in which their children conduct themselves. Would there be so many bullies in our children's schools in such a case? How is that different from our father in Heaven?
Christ took the punishment for us, he took the blame and said He would be punished for our sins. For those who have accepted Him as their Lord and savior (who like the child reside under his roof and seek to follow his rules), their actions bring glory to His name just as a child whose actions bring blessings to his parents.
So what do we know? We speak of what we know and testify to what we have seen, but to Christ is the glory for He has already borne the pain. How do we speak or testify? Through our thoughts which drive our actions which in turn determine our manner of living as well as through our mouths which determine our fortunes.
What don’t I know? All that I cannot speak of or testify to, this is what I don’t know. I don’t know what I did or have done to deserve Christ’s love, but I am grateful I have it, and for as long as I live I hope my actions, thoughts and feelings will bring glory to His name and testify to His greatness. Whatever else I don’t know doesn’t matter as He is around to fight my battles as I find shelter in His house. As scripture testifies:
“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.”